God, the Maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make, model, or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units, code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been identified as “Subsequential Internal Non-morality,” more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.
Some of the symptoms include:
- Loss of direction
- Foul vocal emissions
- Amnesia of origin
- Lack of peace and joy
- Selfish or violent behavior
- Depression or confusion
The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service, free of charge, to correct this defect. The Repair Technician, JESUS, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required. The number to call for repair in all areas is:
Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, JESUS, into the heart component.
No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, JESUS will replace it with the following:
Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Best Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the installation and application of these fixes.
WARNING – Continuing to operate the human being without these necessary corrections, will void ALL manufacturer warranties. Additionally, this will expose the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list, and will result in permanent impoundment of the human being. For free 24-hour emergency service, call on JESUS.
DANGER – Any human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace of Hell. The S.I.N. defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven, in order to prevent contamination of that facility. Thank you for your prompt and urgent attention to this matter!
P.S. Please assist with this urgent message whenever or wherever possible, by notifying others of this important recall notice. You may contact the Father any time by ‘Knee Mail’!
BECAUSE HE LIVES!